Ideally, the point of a relationship is to find that certain Someone. The person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The co-parent to your children and your partner in every aspect of life.
You do this by spending time with people – then start spending more and more time with a specific person. Eventually, these two people either decide that this is The One. Or Not! If “Not”. they should stop seeing one another exclusively, and try again with another person.
Eventually, again, Ideally, you find The One and life Happily Ever After.
However, there can always be other motivations – maybe someone wants to make someone else jealous, or get back by dating someone’s friend. Or maybe just good old fashioned Sex.
Relationship Motivation Reasons
Random list of healthy and unhealthy motivations:
– to love another and be loved
– to have a steady sexual partner
– to learn and grow from one another
– to not be alone anymore
– to be greeted when one wakes up
– to be greeted when one comes home
– to be supported when the chips are down
– to be supported when things are going great
– to feel loveable and boost one’s self-esteem
– to become a permanent resident in another country
– to repeat past trauma and unresolved family dynamics
– to satisfy one’s addiction to relationships and helping (re: codependency)
– to experience intimacy and bonding
– to become a parent and/or not be a single parent
– to live in luxury and have one’s expenses paid by a wealthy partner
– to share expenses (especially when one is poor)
– to do like “everybody else” and fit in
– to appear to be “normal” when one is in the public eye
– to try and live the dream sold by Hollywood and romance novels
– to get rid of family pressure
– to comply to cultural norms
– to (hopefully) have someone at one’s side in old age
Motivation to be in a Relationship
For me personally, it’s because I meet a person who I want to be in a relationship with.
I don’t have many boyfriends. I have sex from time to time and date occasionally, but single is my default status. I’m comfortable being single. I have a number of responsibilities and demands on my time that make having a boyfriend difficult, though not impossible. I enjoy my own company and like spending my (extremely limited) spare time doing things I enjoy, without thinking about what someone else wants to do.
And once in a blue moon, I meet someone who makes me want a relationship. They have to be pretty damn extraordinary for me to want to be with them (and even plenty of extraordinary people don’t affect me that way) but occasionally I’ll meet one. When I’m in love, the person lights up my world, and softens me. I want to be near them, and spend time with them, and I think about them constantly.
If I don’t feel that way about someone, I don’t get into a relationship with them. I’m not the settling type.
Motivation for Loyal Relationship
Being in a relationship requires constant effort.
Starting a relationship is easy but being in it and nurturing it with a mature mindset is a tough ongoing task. Every relationship has its own share of ups and downs.
You cannot just take a break from a relationship. Many times it goes through a low phase when you feel like you are no more connected to each other. You might feel to step out of the loyalty you have for the other.
But at those times, recall your past memories, the good phase you both had together. Recall the base of your relationship. Think about the trust you have for each other. And then remind yourself if you’re willing to sacrifice all these things you cherish just because you’re not going through an apt phase.
Always remember during such phases that this’ll pass soon. And again you have the scope for being together in good times. With breach of trust, no relationship could ever survive.
Before breaching the trust in your relationship, recall the value it has in your life. It’s enough motivation to stop you from being disloyal.
Humans are social creatures and we literally NEED love and connections. If we don’t get them, we either homicide or suicide, sometimes both.
We don’t necessarily have to maintain romantic relationships, but humans don’t survive solo. That is why we are natural friends with animals like dogs and dolphins. We built cities and societies because we need others to survive. We learn and thrive with each other, so the most basic answer to your question is simply: because we need it to survive.
We can’t just conjugate or reproduce by ourselves, you know? We have strength in numbers. 🙂
Make Relationship Motivation Strong
Many of you would have noticed this there is some space between rail tracks.
They leave gaps between the rails and connect them using a fishplate mounted on the side.
Why do they do this?
Because the rails undergo thermal expansion. They expand during hot temperatures in summer and contract during cold temperatures in winter.
So the person fixing them allocates some free space for the rail to expand.
You need to give this space to the person you are in relationship with.
It is not right to expect the person you are going to be with for your lifetime to be the same ideal person you have met on the first day.
It rarely works that way. It is near-impossible to find perfection in people.
One day, s(he) could be selfish, shout at you for no fault of your own, turn egoistic give mediocre suggestions that bring you losses, get overly jealous and possessive and have tons of impatience.
Though we all intend to be good but situations sometimes overpower us to bring out different and worse facets of us.
So it becomes necessary that you give some free space (within your tolerable limits) to your partner to be show their imperfections, to be bad and flawed sometimes; instead of rigidly conforming them to the boundaries of perfection.
Doing this will not overstretch your relationship beyond its limits.
This works for all kinds of close relationships. Be it friend, family, partner etc.
But if you keep forcibly restricting every small imperfection, keep blaming them every time and telling them to be at the place you had defined, it only results in imbalances and major life changing events.
Motivation for Ideal Relationship
After being in a relationship for a few years, things can become a bit monotonous or even boring for any couple. Supposing there aren’t any important issues beforehand, it’s quite common to get stuck in a rut and therefore feel like your relationship isn’t as exciting as it was at first.
I don’t have any how-to guide for this kind of issue but in my experience talking things out, being respectful of each other, listening and expressing your feelings are the best ways to overcome any problem. Of course that’s a two-way street.
There are many ways to stimulate your relationship and they aren’t limited to sexual stimulation. If you feel like you don’t have anything to talk about with your partner, things might not be salvageable. If you don’t respect their ideas and intellect – or them yours – you’ll have to work on that.
Equality is also a huge part of making a relationship work, as in the majority of heterosexual relationships, women do most of the parental and domestic tasks as well as care work. Working to make your relationship more egalitarian is difficult but is necessary for anyone who’s interested in making it work.
What stimulates one’s relationship is always different for each individual, although mutual respect and shared passions are – to me – absolutely necessary.
An ideal relationship is the one where two people respect each other, trust each other, accept each other’s flaws and stay together no matter how bad the days become. But it is easier said than done because life is never perfect or ideal. It is obvious that a relationship would go through various stages and after the initial lovey dovey period gets over, a relationship has to go through misunderstandings, trust issues, and what not. This is the time which tests true love. Before this time, every relationship looks ideal.
Most of the relationships break after this time and this only shows that the two people did not love each other enough to stand the storm. Sadly, the problems, the issues are given more importance than love, because of which relationships break.
It’s the truth in love, the choice to stay together, the efforts two people put, their loyalty towards each other, which decide how true a relationship is.
So when a couple decides to stay together despite the problems they face, that’s when you call that relationship ‘an ideal relationship’.
I will try to portray my view of what an near ideal relationship looks like
When you give each other enough space.
When you are not entirely dependent on each other. You want each other and don’t need each other. Understanding difference between want and need is crucial.
When a single thought of your significant other brings a wide involuntary smile on your face
When you trust each other.
When you respect his/her thoughts and importantly himself/herself too.
When you don’t fight over petty things and try to comprehend his/her situation and then validate.
When you make each other grow.
The list may go endless, and eventually it might sound like ideal relationships never exists. But yeah near ideal relationships do exist and they are the best ones to be a part of.
An ideal relationship can not be defined but it can be maintained by mutual understanding of each other. If one is angry other should understand the situation and should help him/her instead of showing their anger towards each other.
Some situation can make a love or relationship away but if without any genuine situation you are leaving him/her then there are no mutual understanding between them. These lead to breakup.
If ideal relationship can be defined then only via understanding in between them.
Understanding in relationship is something like accelerator of bike the more you will do the more your relationship goes.
Relationship Motivation Conclusion
There is no single answer to this; different people desire, and feel comfortable with, different types of relationships.
I do think there are some trends, however. Some of the things that I think most people appreciate in relationships of any sort, whether romantic or otherwise, include:
- Respecting each other’s boundaries. Violating boundaries, like by touching people in ways they don’t want to be touched, talking to them in ways they don’t want to be talked to, or contacting them when (or in ways) they don’t want to be contacted, can pretty quickly poison relationships. Respecting boundaries tends to make other things in a relationship happen more naturally or easily.
- Understanding each other. People have different preferences about how similar or different they want to be from a partner, but in general, relationships work best when people at least understand each other, even if that involves understanding that there are ways in which people are different and we may never fully or exactly relate to them. Good listening skills seem to help this, and thus benefit all relationships.
- Love, caring, positive regard, and trust about that love. People experience and express love in different ways, and romantic love isn’t even important to all people, but I think that some degree of caring and unconditional positive regard for each other is at the heart of all the best relationships, whether romantic, family, or even friends and professional relationships. It may play out different ways, but when you care about someone and they care about you, and you both trust that each other feels that way, it makes everything in the relationship go much more smoothly.
Short of that, I’m not sure how universal anything else is in relationships. People are attracted to really different things, and have very different ideas of how much time they want to spend together, what they want to do together, and all sorts of other things. But I think the things above are fairly universal.